Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
