I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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