you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
