I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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