You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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