i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Still dying that you shit outside
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
