she looked like the before picture.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
