My nipple is on Facebook.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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