You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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