It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
