i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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