We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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