Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
