So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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