Redeem this text for a blowjob
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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