So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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