i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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