i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
