can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
