on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
