i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
