I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
