Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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