My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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