And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
