At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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