K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
