Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
