I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
