Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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