I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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