but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
