omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
