I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
