At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
