I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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