Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
