The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
