chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
