...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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