Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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