if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the day after is always just damage control
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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