I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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