This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
