I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
