Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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