Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
