I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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