i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
