you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
