apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
